My Glory - A Confession

I have spent a lot of time "doing" ministry that I thought would bring glory to me and not God. If the world would consider it a job well done, then I would jump on that bandwagon. I told myself that I was doing it to further the kingdom, but in the back of my mind I was searching for accolades. I have spent WAY TOO much of my lifetime concerned with what others thought of me and A LOT less time concerned about what Jesus, my husband, and my children thought of me.

 My inner thoughts went something like this:
 "Maybe if I volunteer more, then people will focus on that and not the fact that I am fat." 
 "Maybe if I feed the homeless, people will not realize that I am more of a mess than the folks I am feeding." 
 "If I work more with youth then that will cover the horrible and painful teen years I had."

 Guess what? It made my feelings of insecurity and hopelessness even greater. I have been trapped in a controlling cycle that I wasn't willing to hand over. Jesus is so gracious to me though. Again and again, He forgives me and turns me back to Him. What is my calling now that we have given up everything and transplanted our lives to another state? First, is to support my husband in his ministry with Habitat for Humanity. Second, turn my heart toward home and raise my children to become passionate followers of Christ. Third, to serve my church family at The Calvary. So with that, I pray for His guidance in everything I do because I can not be trusted to fend for myself.